Frustrated

Famous Last Words

The things that make me sick, tired and over weight are the same things that make me feel stuck, depressed and stranded. When I eat better and when I move more, I feel much better in every regard. My skin is clearer, my sleep is better, and my energy is higher. I feel "cleaner." When I eat poorly and am sedentary, I feel tired, unmotivated, and just plain "blah." 

But there are not easy fixes or magic quick answers. Just as I'm learning about many things in my work life and in relationships, it is the longer-term, day to day consistency that is what pays off. And so it is for my health. I can't afford to let myself continue to be trapped in the lies that try to pull me down. I have got to take the time each day to eat nutritious food, whether that means buying it or making it. I've got to take the time to walk and stretch my muscles and work my heart. I've got to take time to continue learning about nutrition so that I stay motivated, and I need to record my struggles and my progress each day.





3/31/16

It is the last day of March already, and I am yet to have a full good day getting back to eating properly. And, I've gained 10 lbs in the past week and a half since feeling so sick. I'm sure some of it is fluid retention from having higher ratios of refined carbs. And some of it is paying the price for the first couple of days of eating poorly and thinking it didn't impact me...it really did, it just took a few days to catch up with me. 

So far this morning, by 8:30am, I've had two doughnuts and an ice cream bar. How quickly we can fall away from the things that are best for us! Frustrated, but ready to start over again for real. 





Starting Again

I've fallen prey to the same traps that have consumed me in the past. After getting started again, I've failed to do the things that keep me focused in the right direction. Snacking on something extra turns into eventually eating whatever I want, ignore the clean eating principles that have helped me so much. And failing to track the good foods I eat, failing to study each day about nutrition or fitness to keep it on the top of my mind, and failing to write each day about the progress keep me from being mindful about what I'm doing and result in slowly slipping away and ceasing to remember.  

I'm finally feeling nearly 100% after recovering from pneumonia. I lost my appetite entirely when I was so sick. But as I've begun to feel better, it has returned to fully capacity. Another lesson learned: while I felt sick, I delighted in losing weight and not eating much. I'd sometimes miss two of three meals. And I wasn't eating all of the good stuff I should. But I felt like saying "who cares? I'm losing weight, aren't I?" Well, the problem is my body, which had been used to a flood of nutritious food and antioxidants, then experienced a shut-down of the flow of nutrition. I may have lost weight, but I started to starve my body of the nutrients it needed. That not only compromised the health and healing of my body, but it pulled me further and further from sound nutritional principles, leaving me to languish in the world of moderately-healthy food, or even unhealthy food. 

So, in some ways I hate to say it, because I wish it were not the experience, but here I am starting again. But in other ways I'm glad to say it, because it means I am starting again and that hope is in sight of feeling better in terms of energy and clean eating. 





3/22/16

Well, the good intentions... As I've been hovering around the 20 lbs lost mark, my appetite has suddenly dramatically increased this week. Part of it has to do, I'm sure, with finally getting over pneumonia and feeling like eating again. But part of it is a cycle. Eat something salty or sugary, and my body craves more salt and more sugar. For months, passing ice cream in the grocery store has not been a temptation at all. I picture allergies to the milk in it, and clogged arteries from the cream. But today, for some reason, I bought a small container and thought I'll just taste it. And that taste turned into eating 3 servings worth. Kathy made Easter sugar cookies, and just a nibble turned into eating a bunch. And those are really bad: cream cheese in the batter and shortening in the icing. Anyway, as the pounds start to inch upward again, I am re-committing to staying full of clean foods so that I can get rid of the cravings that start to intrude.





Derailed Momentarily

Well, I've got good and bad news. I caught pneumonia and have just really been out of it the past two weeks. The good news is I lost a few pounds in the process. The bad news is I haven't kept up my entries on this site nor have I paid near as much attention to what I'm eating. I haven't been able to prepare nutritious food choices, go to the store, or really anything other than sit/lay down. I'm glad that I'm ending this pneumonia (starting to feel better today) on the lower end of the weight scale but realize there are several risks at play here. As my appetite returns, I run the risk of eating anything I want and having it start to add the pounds right back on. And since I've been out of the habit of recording food eaten on my app, haven't been reading nutritional information to stay motivated, haven't been getting exercise and haven't been doing regular blog entries, I am not in the best position moving forward unless I make immediate adjustments.

Getting sick right after the Europe trip was really a bummer as I was ready to get back into the patterns that were working for me before the trip, but then abandoned them when I got sick. The sad thing is, I would probably have gotten over this illness much more quickly if I had taken tons of antioxidants into my system like I would have had I kept up the high-quality eating.

In any case, one thing I have learned through this experience so far this year is that the past doesn't matter as much as what I do today. I've known people, myself included, who have lost 50 lbs or even 100 lbs through a combination of restrained eating, better food choices and exercise, but then they feel like they've accomplished something so major that they can celebrate by eating more leniently. And the pounds start to come back on, 5 lbs at a time. I've done that so many times.

I've also done the opposite, where I feel like since I'm doing so poorly in recent times, I might as well continue the streak of eating poorly...thinking "what's the use?" In both cases, thinking of the past is harmful, as opposed to thinking of today. I am learning to start to focus just on today...how can I make the best choices in the context I am in today? And I think 100 todays will add together to make a successful tomorrow.





3/2/16

Today is Super Tuesday, when a bunch of states conduct their primary elections / caucuses to decide who will be the nation's presidential nomination from each political party. I stayed focused on work for much of the day, leading up until the results started coming in from the participating states, at which time I became distracted. I ate relatively-good food all day until the evening. I notice that if can give my mind a distraction from eating and almond milk -- not the best breakfast in the world, but ok in moderation. But as I went to eat, I pulled up the news and placed the cereal box next to me on the table. I got lost in reading different news articles and did not attend to how I felt about what I was eating or, especially, how much I was eating.  





2/29/16

Well, here is to starting over again. This past week was somewhat disasterous. I felt like I was still trying to catch up on sleep throughout it, and didn't give my best effort to consume healthy, Daily Dozen type foods, nor to record what I was doing each day, nor to stay involved with reading new things about nutrition. As a result, the first day or two were ok and then it became progressively worse throughout the week. Too much sugar, not enough nutrition. Too much sodium. But, despite this setback, I am ready to recomit and reconnected to the clean eating lifestyle.

The good news is my weight, after a week of feeling out of it and depressed, is the same as when I started after returning from vacation, so I am thinking of it as the lost week that I can now move on from. It is frustrating, or I guess I should say, I am frustrating. But I am moving forward.





2/1 - 2/22/16

Well, we are back from our 3 week trip to Europe, which included 11 days on a cruise to Spain and Italy, followed-up by visits to Paris and London. 

The trip proved to be a mixed bag when it comes to eating and to remaining accountable for my change of lifestyle. I started out with a plan about how to eat only the healthiest foods while gone, and I resisted anything at all deviating from the plan while we traveled to Europe and in our hotel prior to the cruise. We requested ahead of time that I be given a low-sodium, vegetable-based meal plan, but since Norwegian does a flexible eating style, that would mean having to make arrangements at every meal in every restaurant. I quickly decided just to eat in moderation the best I could and choose the healthier range of choices available. 





1/27/16

Today was a day of meetings. I started the morning with an Acai smoothie and headed into the meetings. Had lunch with Bishop Remer at Taco Bell, which is a challenging place to go and eat anything nutritious. I had a pintos and cheese (yellow), a bean burrito (yellow) and water. More than the nutritional content, I am concerned about the amount of sodium -- had to be a huge amount.   





1/26/16

You know, I have to remind myself that when I started the clean eating changes back on 12/28/15, I made note that I was not going to get too excited about weight loss progress (pounds coming off), nor was I going to get too worried about lack of weight loss progress, as long as I was eating clean. 

I have to keep that in mind right now because after an exhilarating week last week where I dropped a pound a day, I seem now to have stabilized right around the 260 - 262 range, going up a few pounds from when I broke into the 250s. I have to admit that it is difficult not to panic...I mean, I'm eating steamed Brussel's Sprouts for dinner and passing up the meat and dairy based foods, but then seeing the scale either not move down at all or move up by a pound or too...it just doesn't feel right.





1/25/16

Frustrated with myself this morning. Weighed in at 252 lbs, and I understand there will be ups and downs in my weight based on a number of factors, but I have not done things to help myself this past week very much. I, once again, ate food right before bed last night, and once again was too liberal about what constitutes "yellow" food and how much to eat. 

I had steak, more than I planned on eating, for dinner. It was high in sodium and is clearly a yellow food, but I kept on eating it rather than only eating the amount on my plate. I also ate lemon blueberry pancakes that Bekah got out for lunch. And I even put maple syrup on them, which is either a yellow or a red food, and yet I kept eating them. And then Kathy made Strawberry bread and I nibbled at that, with the nibbles turning into eating pieces of it. So, overall, I had a day of eating much more yellow food and probably some red, rather than making it to the 80% green target.  

The lack of fresh vegetables, especially greens, in my diet this past week is really telling. I feel less hydrated and more like eating starchy foods. I also have done poorly at planning out what to eat in advance, compared with other weeks. I will get both of these back on track this week and pair them with exercise. My goal is to walk at least 5,000 steps per day each day this week and to do at least one exercise routine through an app each evening this week. 





1/4/16

Sunday on our family reunion trip. We decided not to travel on Sunday, so we stayed in AZ. Slept in until 1pm and missed the chance to attend church at one of our prior wards. It was a strange eating day because of the late wakeup, but I was able to get in all of the food from the daily dozen tracking.

We had dinner at my parent's house tonight. Avoided most of the food other than beans, salad, fruit juice, and a half of a baked potato (white) ...