Well, it’s a life of ups and downs, isn’t it. After peaking out at my highest weight ever, 278lbs, I am heading back down. It is like I go into a trance and just eat and eat junk without stopping to think about it. I don’t account for what I am doing and constantly say I’ll start doing better the next day.
The things that make me sick, tired and over weight are the same things that make me feel stuck, depressed and stranded. When I eat better and when I move more, I feel much better in every regard. My skin is clearer, my sleep is better, and my energy is higher. I feel "cleaner." When I eat poorly and am sedentary, I feel tired, unmotivated, and just plain "blah."
But there are not easy fixes or magic quick answers. Just as I'm learning about many things in my work life and in relationships, it is the longer-term, day to day consistency that is what pays off. And so it is for my health. I can't afford to let myself continue to be trapped in the lies that try to pull me down. I have got to take the time each day to eat nutritious food, whether that means buying it or making it. I've got to take the time to walk and stretch my muscles and work my heart. I've got to take time to continue learning about nutrition so that I stay motivated, and I need to record my struggles and my progress each day.
Today is Super Tuesday, when a bunch of states conduct their primary elections / caucuses to decide who will be the nation's presidential nomination from each political party. I stayed focused on work for much of the day, leading up until the results started coming in from the participating states, at which time I became distracted. I ate relatively-good food all day until the evening. I notice that if can give my mind a distraction from eating and almond milk -- not the best breakfast in the world, but ok in moderation. But as I went to eat, I pulled up the news and placed the cereal box next to me on the table. I got lost in reading different news articles and did not attend to how I felt about what I was eating or, especially, how much I was eating.
Well, here is to starting over again. This past week was somewhat disasterous. I felt like I was still trying to catch up on sleep throughout it, and didn't give my best effort to consume healthy, Daily Dozen type foods, nor to record what I was doing each day, nor to stay involved with reading new things about nutrition. As a result, the first day or two were ok and then it became progressively worse throughout the week. Too much sugar, not enough nutrition. Too much sodium. But, despite this setback, I am ready to recomit and reconnected to the clean eating lifestyle.
The good news is my weight, after a week of feeling out of it and depressed, is the same as when I started after returning from vacation, so I am thinking of it as the lost week that I can now move on from. It is frustrating, or I guess I should say, I am frustrating. But I am moving forward.
Today was a day of meetings. I started the morning with an Acai smoothie and headed into the meetings. Had lunch with Bishop Remer at Taco Bell, which is a challenging place to go and eat anything nutritious. I had a pintos and cheese (yellow), a bean burrito (yellow) and water. More than the nutritional content, I am concerned about the amount of sodium -- had to be a huge amount.
Today was a busy day and I wasn't as focused as I'd like to be on health. Sat at a desk the whole day and didn't get many steps in. I am becoming more aware of how stress and pressure influence my physical health. Besides raising my blood pressure and triggering cravings for junk, stress leads to me feeling like there is so much that has to get done, I can't possibly take a break from it to do something enjoyable or that is good for my health, such as a short nap, a walk in the neighborhood, or some other form of meditation, stretching or exercise. It also keeps me constantly feeling like I don't have time or attention for other people and that I am helplessly behind in everything I'm doing. And that leads me to feel like not even starting into the things I need to work on, which makes the whole thing worse.
The truth is, even if I'm busy, the urgency and stress I am feeling are largely self-driven. As examples:
Spent forever yesterday trying to get this blog to automatically generate an excerpt from a post, if none exists. Right now, I've got to go into the post settings and either type or copy/paste from the original post in order for it to show up as an excerpt in a feed from the blog. That is a minor pain, but I should not have spent 3+ hours trying to figure it out. Kept thinking I was close to getting it, only to find out I was wrong. Anyway, back to posting excerpts manually for now.
Sometimes I'm that way with food as well. I spend way too much time obsessing over tiny parts of food, like whether something has 1 g of sugar added, when there is a much larger picture to attend to. After all, avoiding that 1g of sugar today and then a month from now downing 300mg of sugar by binging puts the 1g today in perspective. But, I have a hard time being moderate sometimes. I like to go all out for something, get exhausted and then collapse and give up. I say I like to, but that isn't accurate. It actually makes me angry with myself when I do that, but it is a pattern I've repeated over and over.